Skoal Perdition Mailbag

As you can tell, sometimes there is just nothing to write about when you have a blog solely dedicated to one thing that is really not that interesting to most people. For this reason, I have decided to take a few questions from my readers to get everyone involved in the quitting process that has been NFP up til now.

Reader 1 (Pittsburgh, PA) - Is it normal for Skoal to make you nauseous?

S.P. - Yes, it is absolutely normal. I went through this thing in college where I would get sick every time I put a dip in after I ate. If you get hammered, then dip will give you the spins and you will vomit on your floor. I also did that (after eating two packs of ramen noodles).

Reader 2 (Lancaster, PA) - What do you think is better: Getting a professional massage or throwing in a lip and taking a dump?

S.P. - I've never been a big fan of massages. Not the legal kind anyway. Assuming that you are speaking of a legal massage, I will choose the dump any day. For you readers who are not tobacco educated, dip is as powerful as four coffees, a liter of prune juice, and ex lax all packed into one little tin. Therefore, it is not so much the will to dump, but more the relief after the dip induces you to nearly incinerate your underwear.

Reader 3 (Tampa, FL) - I bought my grandmother a tin of Skoal for her birthday and I think she is mad at me? What is her deal?

S.P. - I really don't think that was a very thoughtful present. Really, what were you thinking? She's your grandmother dude. Grandmothers don't typically dip right?

Reader 4 (Boston, MA) - What is your problem...we used to dip together all the time and now you have quit? You are a lameass dude.

S.P. - Thank you for the support. I am going to pour a tin down your throat when you pass out this weekend.

Well that is all today. If you have something for the Skoal Perdition mailbag, I'd be glad to answer it.